


Cold Comfort

by Area5150



Category: Re-Animator (1985)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:03:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4103593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Area5150/pseuds/Area5150
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Meg's death, Dan is ready to quit. Herbert has other plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on LJ in 2012. Makes reference to numerous deleted scenes from _Re-Animator_ and one from _Bride of Re-Animator_. I was going to link them here but I'm lazy and anybody who cares enough about RA to read fanfic about it has probably already seen them anyway. Muchas smoochas to [](http://wemblee.livejournal.com/profile)[wemblee](http://wemblee.livejournal.com/) for the beta-read!

"Behave yourselves." The uniformed cop gave a mirthless smile to his two passengers as they climbed out of the cruiser. He closed the door, his mouth reverting to its customary scowl as the smaller man took his companion's arm and steered him toward the house.

"Thank you, officer," said the taller, more dazed-looking of the two.

"Conserve your strength, Dan." The other man gently but firmly led Dan up the porch steps.

"Couple of freaks," the cop muttered, climbing back into the driver's seat and starting the car.

Herbert West ignored him. Quickly and efficiently, he unlocked the front door and bundled Dan Cain into the house, pausing to watch the cruiser drive away as he shut the door behind them. Herbert's observant gaze didn't miss the unmarked sedan that had taken up residence across the street. He locked the door again and turned to find Dan shambling toward the kitchen.

"What are you doing, Dan?" Herbert stepped over to intercept him.

"Looking for booze." Dan's vacant eyes focused as he looked down at Herbert's hand on his chest. "Isn't that what you're supposed to do when your whole life collapses in a wreck?"

"Alcohol is a depressant. What you need right now is sleep."

Dan laughed, a harsh guffaw that had shriek around the edges. "And then what? I'll wake up tomorrow and Meg won't be dead?"

"No, but you'll be more mentally and physically prepared to deal with the events of last night."

"Deal with it? DEAL with it?" Dan's voice wavered on the brink of hysteria. "How do I deal with something like this? How do I deal with knowing the woman I love is dead and it's my fault?" Dan choked on the words: "I couldn't... save her..." He turned away from Herbert and leaned on the back of the couch, shaking with bitten-back sobs.

"Dan." Herbert's voice was gentle as he slid his arm around his friend's shoulders. "What happened was... unfortunate."

An inarticulate sound escaped from between Dan's clenched teeth.

Herbert rubbed Dan's back reassuringly. "A certain amount of risk is inherent in any scientific pursuit. But -"

"Shut up! Just shut up, Herbert!"

Herbert, coming to the conclusion that Dan wasn't ready to listen to reason just yet, settled for drawing him closer. Dan let Herbert fold his arms around him and maneuver the two of them onto the couch as Dan broke down crying. Herbert held Dan, wordlessly stroking his hair as he wept against Herbert's shoulder. Finally, Dan's sobbing subsided, leaving them sitting together in an awkward embrace.

"I should go to bed..." Dan trailed off, wiping his eyes as he pulled away from Herbert.

Herbert nodded. "Yes, that's probably for the best."

"Yeah." Dan stood up on unsteady legs and made his way down the hallway.

Herbert watched Dan go into his room and shut the door, then got up and headed for the basement.

***

Herbert was busily going through his notes, cataloging everything he would need to replace his stolen reagent and annotating what changes he wanted to make to the next batch, when he felt his hand start to tremble. He realized he was hours overdue for his dose of reagent solution. He snapped his notebook shut, pocketed his pen and climbed the stairs on shaky legs.

When he got to his room, he was surprised to find Dan sitting in front of his open refrigerator, staring transfixed at a glowing syringe.

"Dan," Herbert said softly, moving to sit down next to him. "I'm going to need that."

Dan didn't look up. "If I took this stuff, would I be like you?"

"That dosage is calibrated for my weight, but in the appropriate amount, it would sharpen your mental acuity and eliminate certain bothersome inconveniences like fatigue and appetite, yes."

Dan looked over at Herbert, his eyes dark in the low light, and Herbert knew that hadn't been what he was asking.

Herbert snickered and reached out to pry the syringe from Dan's fingers. "No, Dan. The reagent didn't make me like this. It just helps me be _more_ like this."

"How do you do it?" Dan watched as Herbert rolled up his sleeve and tied the rubber tourniquet above his elbow.

"Do what?" Herbert tried to steady his hand enough to find a vein.

"Not feel anything?" Dan's fingers were closing over Herbert's, guiding the needle into Herbert's arm. "Not care about anything except your _work?_ "

Herbert inhaled sharply, closed his eyes and shivered as the reagent coursed through his bloodstream. "Practice," he smiled wryly, then stood up, extending his hand to Dan. "Come on. Let's get you back to bed."

Dan shook his head as Herbert helped him to his feet. "I can't go back in there. Everything reminds me of Meg."

"Then use mine." Herbert moved a stack of textbooks from his bed to the floor. "I won't be needing it tonight."

Dan sat down heavily on the twin mattress. "I just want this to be over."

"Well, the sooner you get recharged and we get back to work, the sooner it will be."

"Herbert, just _stop_ ," Dan sighed, leaning back against the wall and covering his face with his hands.

"No, _you_ stop." Herbert knelt on the bed beside Dan, grabbing his wrists and pulling his hands away from his face, making him look Herbert in the eye. "The reagent _works_. You've _seen_ it. All I need to do is perfect the formula, and I need _you_ to help me. You _will not_ abandon our work because of what happened to that - _girl_." The glare Dan gave Herbert made him glad he hadn't used the first word that came to mind.

"It's called _grief_ , Herbert. Maybe if you were human you'd understand."

Herbert loosened his grip on Dan's wrists, taking Dan's hands in his. "Dan. Do you really believe I'm some emotionless scientific automaton?" He let his thumb trace over the tendons in Dan's wrist, the delicate metacarpal bones of his palm. "I assure you, I have the same primal, lizard-brain instincts you do. I just don't let them rule me. I _refuse_."

Dan started to pull his hands out of Herbert's grasp, then gave up, closing his eyes. "It's not just 'instinct', it's feelings and passion and... love." He opened his eyes again and looked pointedly at Herbert. "Have you ever been in love?"

"You mean, have I experienced a hormonal surge that caused me to abandon all rationality and sense?" He paused. "No comment."

"So what's the point? You want to live forever being no different than one of those things in the morgue?"

"Hmmm?" Herbert raised his eyebrows. "I could have sworn a minute ago you were envious of me."

Dan sighed. "I don't know. I can't even think anymore." He closed his eyes again.

"Get some rest, Dan." Herbert squeezed Dan's hands and started to get up.

Dan caught Herbert's wrist. "Herbert, do you think we can ever bring Meg back again?"

Herbert smiled. "Never say never."

***

"Now what?" Dan asked as he stared listlessly at a bacon and egg sandwich in the kitchen the next morning.

Herbert looked up from his textbook. "Today? We go back to school."

Dan gaped at him. "Seriously?"

"Of course. Herbert West and Dan Cain, gas station attendants, would have difficulty ordering from a chemical supplier. To say nothing of obtaining specimens."

Dan groaned. "Have you even thought about what's going to happen if there's another outbreak of re-animation here?"

"Dan, give me a little credit. We'll keep a low profile until this blows over, and then pursue some opportunities outside of the Arkham Police Department's jurisdiction."

"What kind of opportunities?"

"You've heard of Doctors Without Borders, I presume?"

"You want to do charity work?"

"Is that so unbelievable?"

"Yes!"

Herbert smiled. "Let it not be said that I don't strive for the betterment of humanity."

"What's in this for you?"

"The chance to experiment in a less, shall we say, restrictive environment. And to test my theories regarding some lifeforms not indigenous to the United States. Did you know that the Cuzco iguana -?"

Dan held up his hand. "Tell me later."

***

The memorial service for Alan and Megan Halsey was held three days after what was already coming to be known as the Miskatonic Massacre. Dan and Herbert crept into the church and sat down in the back row, Dan glancing around as if he expected the other mourners to start shouting and pointing accusing fingers at him at any moment. Herbert would have been happy to skip the entire spectacle, but he didn't think Dan was up to going it alone.

"Maybe we shouldn't be here," Dan whispered as the service started.

"We shouldn't. But these trite social rituals can have their uses. The grieving fiancé and his supportive best friend, shocked and saddened by the loss of a pillar of the medical community and his delightful daughter? Very reassuring to those with suspicious minds."

Dan just shook his head.

They made it as far as Meg's eulogy before Dan was trembling with stifled sobs. Herbert surreptitiously took his hand and gave it what he hoped was a comforting squeeze. Dan leaned against Herbert's shoulder, tears dampening the sleeve of Herbert's jacket. When the eulogy was finished, he picked his head up and muttered, "I gotta get out of here."

Herbert would have suggested that they at least stay until the ceremony was finished, but Dan was already pulling away from him and standing up. He let go of Dan's hand and wrapped his arm around his waist, supporting him as they slipped out the door and into the crisp autumn air.

"Give me your keys," Herbert said as he led Dan to the passenger door of Dan's Dodge Dart. "You're in no shape to drive."

Dan didn't argue. Herbert buckled him into the passenger seat, then got behind the wheel and reached for the seat adjustment lever. "Dan, a little help here?"

"What?" Dan sniffled. "Oh, right." He helped Herbert move the bench seat forward, then leaned back and sighed. "What are we doing?"

Herbert put the key in the ignition. "We're going home, unless you have a better idea."

"I mean what are we doing _together_?" He looked at Herbert, his eyes dark and dull except where tears glistened in the corners. "You... your experiments... they cost me the only person who loved me. They almost cost me my career and my life. Why am I still here? Why am I still with _you?_ "

"Because I, and _our_ work, are all you have left," said Herbert.

"Thanks, Herbert. You really know how to find the silver lining." Dan looked away.

***

"Dan?" Herbert opened the door to his own room, and found the bed empty. He went down the hall and knocked on Dan's door. "Dan? It's time to go to class." He turned the knob. "Dan?"

Dan looked up from stuffing a handful of socks into a duffel bag. "Go without me." His red-rimmed eyes had dark circles beneath them.

"Why?"

"Because I'm done. Meg was right. I need to get away from here."

"You're not thinking straight."

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure I'm thinking the straightest I have since I met you." He zipped the bag and started throwing books into a cardboard box.

Herbert sat down on the bed. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know. Maybe L.A. I hear it's a good place to be alive."

"And what will you do when you get there?"

"Something where nobody dies if I screw up."

"And where nobody lives forever if you succeed?"

"Don't even start, Herbert."

"Fine, go ahead. Take the next bus to Hollywood. You'll fit right in with the washed-up actors and trick-turning actresses and all the other nobodies, slouching hopelessly toward oblivion."

Dan slammed his _Gray's Anatomy_ into the box and wheeled around to glare at Herbert. "What do you care? Get yourself another sidekick!"

Herbert snickered. "Oh, Dan, Dan, Dan. If that were all I wanted, I could have let Hill think that I was succumbing to his pathetic attempt to hypnotize me."

"So _what_ , then? Why is it so important to you that we keep working together?" He reached for the thumbtack in the lower left corner of his Talking Heads poster.

Before Dan could pull the tack free, Herbert's hand closed over his. "Because you want this as much as I do. You want to save people. You know it. And you'll always know it, no matter how far away you run." Dan tried to yank his hand away, but Herbert wouldn't let go. "And you'll always know that when it came down to the choice between her and me, _you chose me_."

Dan lowered his eyes, swallowed hard. "Stop."

" _No._ " He pulled Dan down onto the bed next to him, gripping his hand and his shoulder. "You had the chance to walk away and spend the rest of your life in meaningless normality, and you couldn't. So don't you dare act like I'm the only one to blame for what happened afterward."

Dan looked up at Herbert and whispered, "What do you want from me?"

Herbert smiled, relaxing his grip slightly but not letting go. "The same thing I've always wanted. What do _you_ want from _me_?"

"I don't want anything from you."

"Really." Herbert's hand moved from Dan's shoulder, up the back of his neck, stroking his hair. "You're sure there's no way I can convince you to stay?"

"No, I -" The rest of his words ran together into an incoherent groan as Herbert pressed his mouth to Dan's. "Herbert, what -"

Herbert silenced him with another kiss. "This is what you want, isn't it?" he murmured against Dan's lips. "What you think is waiting out in the land of picket fences and family practice?" He slipped his tongue into Dan's mouth, tasting toothpaste and a hint of coffee. "For some adolescent fantasy of romance and happily ever after, you'd forsake immortality. I'm disappointed in you, Dan."

Dan laughed bitterly. "And what, you think if you throw yourself at me, that'll change everything? I'll forget all about Meg? Sex isn't love, Herbert."

Herbert leaned his forehead against Dan's, staring into his eyes. "Killing Hill to protect you, was that love?"

"You didn't kill him to protect me, you killed him to protect yourself."

"Do you really think I couldn't have come up with a better plan than that, if I'd had the time to deal with him on my own terms?"

"I don't believe you."

"But you want to, don't you?" He brushed his lips over Dan's cheek, whispered in his ear. "You could convince yourself to stay if you could think that deep down, I'm really just like you." He flicked his tongue over Dan's earlobe.

"You're _not_ like me. You're single-minded and you're calculating and you're - _cold_."

"Am I really?" Herbert kissed Dan's neck, reaching for the buttons on his shirt. His hand slipped inside to flatten against Dan's chest, his palm over Dan's heart. "How cold am I now?" His lips played over Dan's collarbone as his other hand went to the fly of Dan's jeans. "Or now?"

Dan's heartbeat quickened as Herbert's fingers stroked him through the thin cotton of his boxers. "Herbert, this - this isn't really you."

"Are you sure about that?" Herbert slid his hand into Dan's briefs, grasping his hardening shaft. "Maybe this has been the real me all along, and you were just too busy playing the idealistic med student and perfect boyfriend to notice."

"Herbert -" Dan's hands gripped Herbert's arms, but he made no move to pull away. "You're not really going to..."

"Going to show you that you don't need to go running into the arms of another bleached-blonde sorority girl to find feelings and passion and _love_?" Herbert smiled, easing Dan back onto the mattress, arching over him, caressing him. "Yes."

"You don't mean that," Dan gasped, closing his eyes. "This is just another sick game you're playing."

"You can tell yourself that if you want to," Herbert whispered, "but wouldn't you rather believe that I wanted you the moment I first saw you? That the reason I work all night is because otherwise I'd be lying awake, burning for you? That eternal life would be nothing but eons of boredom and loneliness without you?" He traced Dan's jawline with his lips. "Who knows? It may even be true."

"You're out of your mind," Dan sighed, just before Herbert's mouth covered his. He buried his fingers in Herbert's hair and surrendered.

***

"Meg begged me not to let her go back into the dark." Dan's voice was low, his breath soft against Herbert's throat as they lay together in an exhausted embrace. "Before she died... again. We have to find a way to bring her back."

"So you're withdrawing your resignation, then?"

Dan didn't answer. After a minute, Herbert heard his breathing slow to a steady, somnolent rhythm. Herbert smiled. They would miss that day's Pathology seminar, but he had a feeling the lecturer, Dr. Graves, would grant some leeway to the traumatized survivors of the Miskatonic Massacre.

Careful not to wake Dan, Herbert reached for his jacket and retrieved his notebook from the pocket. Still smiling, he flipped to his fastidiously-written checklist and placed a sharp, triumphant checkmark next to the words _Daniel Cain_.

-end-


End file.
